AT DEADEND OF LIFE

When I was in school I thought that ok after school I will go to college and I won’t have to dress everyday in same way and attend every class whether I want it or not .This motivated me a lot so I studied hard and got in good college. Then I realized that to have fun in life I need money in life. As I am not from very rich background I considered all methods possible to ensure a healthy income in my future. I concluded that the best and safest way is through good education .So I again in college worked hard to get into good college and in return I have to postpone all plans of fun to later stage of life. Until than
I was bit happy because I was in anticipation of change in my life. I thought maybe life would be cooler when I will be in job than I won’t have to ask anybody for anything and I can do anything I want. Finally I reached there to realize that all this year what I thought was fun is not fun anymore. I am all aged at 25 . All this year of relentless pushing and zeal of doing something has burned out every ounce of energy and enthusiasm from me. I think like a 60 year old retired person. I am struck in daily9:30 to 6:30 type of life. The thing that haunt me most that I don’t see anything to come out of it. It’s not that I don’t like my job but I also don’t love it. In fact I never wanted a routine type life .I was always a kid who will purposely try to defy rules, try to break away from the routine and pee where it is mentioned not to and now I am struck in that for ever. It just 4 month of my job and am terrified as hell that this is going to be my life for ever. Its not that I am not trying to do things that interest me but the real problem is that anything doesnot interest me at all. I always wanted to learn to play guitar but now I realize that was not because I have interest in music or something , I just wanted it because I thought then it is cooler. But now I don’t see any need to be cool as well .All of sudden I became so matured that I don’t feel to be cooler than I am .Now I want to be myself that is a real problem. I want to live naturally, I don’t like to socialize, I rather prefer to live alone. Recently I realized that I don’t even enjoy my friends company which I used to enjoy very much not so long ago. I am becoming more and more critical and cannot overlook the faults in others.

In total my life is complete mess. I don’t have any goal in life that could keep me going.. The problem is that I have reached the dead end or maybe at juncture of life from where I cann’t see futher. The worst thing is stagnation in life. Just like stagnated water, my life is stinking. So its high time that I should try to make it worth living otherwise I have to live frustrated all my life. The question is how one can find what actually interest him. This is the real question that is key to a happy life. In Indian religious text it is mentioned in one form or another atleast in “Gita” but there is no concrete method to attain that other than vague methods which are practically not so feasible.