me

Before starting to blog about other things in life I think I an obliged to give brief introduction of myself as best of my knowledge. To write about life, philosophies and other things is lot easier than to write about oneself. All philosophical search start from searching inside .An entire universe dwells inside oneself. So I don’t claim that I know myself entirely but I keep exploring it in my solitude. Just as the universe above my inside keeps me surprised, confused and mystified by new findings. So its better to tell you about my background and surroundings and leave it to you so that you can logically make conclusion about me. I am mathematician by training and profession. I work in private firm in analytics department . I love to read novels of different subject. I try to avoid to fix my interest in any class or type. My ultimate ambition is to be myself ,to live life as free as birds or animals.

Actually I don’t know what interest me really. I keep venturing from one field to another. The only conclusion I can make is that” Okay I don’t like this”. From my exterior I pose like a confident content young man because most of the people around me are like that and they don’t want to hear the bitter truth that our life sucks.They expect me to be like one of them and I too don,t have enough courage to live like myself. So the external pose of me is complete fake. From inside I am very confused, discontent and frustrated man. I am frustrated at inadequateness of myself and others. Though I try to be forgiving and generous but as I try to be more generous more and more critical and faultfinding I am becoming. Though most of the people around me think that more or less I am cool and generous but the fact is I cannot forget even single slight negligence leave alone the insults. Once I am aware of that I become unyielding, brutal and icy and nothing can penetrate that at that moment. I behave like jerk and even I regret behaving like that for ever. The main problem is my extra awareness of right or wrong. I always left behind that did right or wrong.

But I always work to improve myself not in moral sense. I want to improve myself in my view. I want to feel good after doing something not applause from other. So far I tried to do things that would make my family my teachers or my friends happy but it left me hallow and with no stand of my own. I want to be a man who takes his own stand and take his decision based on his on belief system and his own definition of right or wrong.

I intend use this medium of blogging to engage people in discussions that could help me to sort out puzzle of my life and help me to get my thought ordered or arranged. So please feel free to comment anything on this post. I will try my best to remain regular on this.